Vegetable Matter

sing you a song about a serious matter
history served on a banquet platter

in the cave days, in the temperate zone
everybody chewin’ on a great big bone
didn’t have no tofu pate
but they all got along anyway
but times have changed, ain’t it strange

they say evolution is a vertical ladder
get a good clean colon and respectable bladder

in the good old days of the hot-rod band
everybody hangin’ at the hamburger stand
didn’t know nothin’ from a hole in the wall
never even heard of colesterol

now you can go crazy as a mad hatter
but at least your feet don’t get no flatter

dial 911 to call up the cops
they’re all downtown feedin’ at the doughnut shop
see the cream-filled captain of authority
say whoops there goes another artery

some people say you are what you eat
other people say you are what you don’t excrete
it used to be easy to fix the feed
now you get convicted of an cullinary misdeed

my bank is broke and my thoughts are scattered
but I’m healthier now and that’s what matters

its a bum rap but I can’t complain
watchin’ everything go down the drain
if I never get out this place tonight
at least I know they’ll be feedin’ me right